"If There Is Truly 'Love At First Sight', Why does Your
Lover Strays?" By Cucan Pemo

When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, you
have to learn to take time to pause, ponder over your
relationship circumstance, and look for solution instead of
mistakes.

Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner's
hand, so that he or she will not be beaten by the
destructive forces that are coming their way and hurting the
relationship.

It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not a
simple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended and
controlled.

It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerful
tendencies and emotions. To love is not a simple or
voluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex and
continuous activities.

True love between man and woman may manifest itself
suddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in the
consciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couples
mutually "fall in love at first sight." On the other hand,
genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiring
months to unfold and years to mature.

Some of the most delightful marriage unions known have
resulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons are
very susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to the
attractions of character, and immediately surrender to them
when opportunity offers.

Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful or
appearances and cautious in all that pertains to so
important a matter.

Many relationship cases of "love at first sight", with
almost an immediate marriage, have proven entirely
harmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances are
comparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory.

As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even though
they may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meet
many times under various circumstances before concluding
that they are really so completely in love with each other
as to marry.

Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study of
each other's tastes and peculiarities, the inevitable
friction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, and
such disclosures of principles, desires and habits as will
inevitably result from repeated association and increased
knowledge of each other's ambitions and deepest longings.

For myself, the occasional accidental or prearranged
meetings with my partner and long time friend, when are
deeply interested in each other and dreaming of love - the
walks and rides taken together, the public gatherings
attended in each other's company - all contribute not only
to an increased knowledge of each other's character, but
also tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles,
purposes.

When things went wrong, I often asked myself, "What exactly
happened when he strays? What exactly contributed to our
conflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for us?
What had I done to allow another person to come into our
lives so easily and quickly??"

I've come to a conclusion.

And my discoveries could well give you some insights which
you can adopt and adapt to your own relationship
circumstances.

I've discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted to
another person who can confirm my doubts, fears and
suspicions.

In fact, if there is one other person who can grab my
attention and remove my focus away from my mate, this WILL
be a person who knows this unusual and little known secret.

You do not need to take a great deal of time to understand
this secret. In fact, it has often been used by leaders who
can persuade and motivate large masses of people. It could
also have been used by one of your closest friends, on YOU!

Now, think about this, in your daily life, are you saying
all of these or behaving in these ways during your
interaction with your partner/spouse:

~ When your mate claims that he (she) is tired, instead of
assessing the situation, do you immediately and impatiently
blame him/her for being lazy or inconsiderate?

~ When your mate expresses his/her fear of giving that big
presentation for the company the next day, do you ask
him/her to just get over it and work hard on polishing the
speech tonight?

~ When your partner complains to you about the unfair
treatment he/she is receiving from the vendor from whom he
has bought his ipod, do you say "serves you right for not
listening to my advice about buying from that vendor", or,
do you say "well, he needs to do business", and then you
proceed to give him some "moral" lessons which he can take
away with him tonight?

I certainly have made all these mistakes.

By dismissing my partner's feelings, doubts, fears or even
suspicions, I leave myself (and my partner) vulnerable to my
rivals who knowingly (or unknowingly) are able to make use
of these simple principles.

Many parents too have made this mistake with their children,
perhaps unknowingly. I remembered when I told my mother that
"I'm scared of the test tomorrow"; she gave me a scolding,
for not working hard for my test earlier. "You wouldn't feel
unprepared and fearful if you had done your work!" was all
she could say.

Naturally, I found myself listening more to my friends and
classmates than to her. If I confided in my friends with the
same statement, they would tell me, "Look. It won't be easy.
I'm not well prepared too. But, WE can do something about
it!"

If you take some time to think about it, it wouldn't be
difficult to understand why I would listen more to my
friends than to my parents. I got the feeling "hey, we are
on the same boat! YOU are the only one who understands me
(my feelings!)"

My friends have more power over me than my parents. And all
the while my parents are puzzled why "I'm so disobedient!"

This also explains why people leave long term relationships
and marriages for another person who are able to "understand
them" better than their current partners!

....................................
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