Relationship Advice: Are You Able To See Both Sides of The Coin?

I have for a long time admire those scientists and researchers who make the efforts to study how our minds and brains work, because, seriously, in my opinion this has to be one of the most difficult subjects to study on Earth!

Just the other day, one of my pals came over for a visit. For a very long time, she has had difficulty living under the same roof as her dad.

Her dad is passionate about woodmaking, and would often spend a lot of his time around the house doing wood and carpentry works.

The problem is he often does not clean up the house after he has done his sawing and drilling. There is no other room for him to use, so he has to use the main living room as his temporary 'workspace'.

This upsets my pal, for she is someone who loves cleanliness and tidiness.

It is no wonder that the two often have heated arguments over this.

During her visit to my residence, she met my god-mother who brought along her Indonesian maid, also visiting me over the weekends.

The Indonesian maid was working full time for my god-mother. Being a compassionate person, my pal enquired my god-mother if she could bring the maid out for a movie over the weekends, since it was New Year, and giving her some time-off seemed a logical proposition!

"It would be difficult!", my god-mother replied. "We don't usually let her wander off for a movie show, but we do bring her around the city with us at times. Thanks for the offer!"

When it was time to go back, my pal pulled me to one side and told me, "That was very inconsiderate of your god-mother! Her maid could take a break and go for a show with us! It was New Year!"

Laughing, I asked her, "Perhaps what she had just said make a lot of sense from her perspective! Have you looked at both sides of the coins?"

Things are not always as easy as it seem, on the surface. Each and every one of us experience 'reality' on different levels. What is "easy" for you might not come as easy for another person.

Every time I visited my pal at her residence, I would stumble upon her dad working on one of his "projects" again. The familiar drilling sounds would often come through the windows, and even if I'm around in the house, my pal would not hesitate to 'pull a long face' or even yell at her dad.

Gosh, she really hated that activity!

However, from my perspective, I cannot help admiring the intricate and beautiful 'works' that come out of her dad's woodworking skills.

As I'm only at her place visiting for a few times per month, sometimes a few months, it was natural that I would not be able to experience her 'annoynance' and frustration! Afterall, she was often the one to clean up 'the mess' in the house!

In the same way, my pal probably would not be able to really experience (in a very realistic way) the types of difficulties and challenges which my god-mother could probably be experiencing living with and training a foreign maid.

Trust me, I know it! My mother had engaged the domestic help of a foreign maid many years ago. It was a challenge training her, looking after her needs and welfare, and having had to live under the same roof with a maid in peace and harmony!

A human to human interaction is often very complicated and complex. It would be a different story if my pal was the one who employed the foreign maid. Similarly I could sing 'praises' about her skillful dad who make beautiful projects out of wood. And I could tell her all day long how fortunate she was to have a talented person like her dad living together with her (Heck, he was the only one who knows how to fix all the damaged drawers, cupboards or doors in the house!), but it was likely I would not say the same thing is I'm the one who has to face a man who drills all day long in the house, and can't be bothered to clear up the mess!

This clear insight about how our mind work has helped me to deal with the day to day conflicts I may have with my partner, or even with other people in daily life. If you are trying to solve a problem with your lover, your spouse, with a co-worker, with your parent, with you boss...ask yourself: are you two operating on different reality levels? Are you able to see both sides of the coins?

This has helped me tremendously in dissolving any confusing conflicts I may have with other people in my daily life.

Once I understand that at times we may be looking at the same things 'differently' on different levels, I would stop putting blame on my-self or even on other people. Instead, I would take more time to do more investigation and self reflection. Often, this result in I'm able to resolve issues in a more peaceful way!